haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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