i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
