God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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