I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
