I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize