Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
