I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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