I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was like eating out sand paper
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
