You smell like stripper and shame
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
