I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
