we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
