Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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