About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize