He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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