just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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