I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
