I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
