He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
