Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
