I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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