Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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