dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
