I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize