If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
