Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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