You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
