I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
