No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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