Got a toothbrush?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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