Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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