so that wasnt chicken after all
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
