He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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