How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
