Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
