Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
