so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
