Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Never joke about your clitoris.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
