I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
