Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
