Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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