Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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