Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
