I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
