I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
