Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
