i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
