i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
