Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
