I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
