Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
