so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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