I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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