I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
