So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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