he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
