Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
