Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
