I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
