dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
