Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize