my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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