dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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