Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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