I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
