Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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