I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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