I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
