I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your penis caused this!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
