mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
