I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
