doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
