I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
