We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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