Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
