I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
