Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
