I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he laminated a picture of his dick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
