i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
