ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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