i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
