My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
