oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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