first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
