I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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