Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize