I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
