he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
