Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
