my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize