I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
