Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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