Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
