I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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