If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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