I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
