if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just high enough for therapy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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