College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
