Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
