I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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